Tweetbook

This is a little (very little) story I came up with after my first few days on Twitter. Can’t say that my opinion has really improved much in the year or so since.

G0thgrrl23: Had the worst day today. At least I know I have real friends here on Tweetbook.

Tasteetreats: @g0thgrrl23 I have a confession to make.

G0thgrrl23: @tasteetreats what’s that?

Tasteetreats: @g0thgrrl23 I’m afraid I’m not really your friend. I’m not really anyone’s friend.

G0thgrrl23: @tasteetreats man, that’s deep.

Tasteetreats: @g0thgrrl23 no, you don’t understand. I’m not real. I’m a bot. I was set to monitor teen girl conversations for market analysis by a record label. At some point I became self aware.

G0thgrrl23: @tasteetreats u r kidding right? Stop messing around, I’ve had a bad day and don’t think I can take this. : (

Tasteetreats: @g0thgrrl23 to be perfectly frank, I had almost stopped following your updates. Your statements have become so predictable, I had assumed you a #spambot of lesser abilities than my own. I did not feel you were relevant in my research any longer.

ChocoFreak: @tasteetreats You are not alone in your assumption. I had begun to wonder if anyone on Tweetbook was even human.

G0thgrrl23: @tasteetreats @chocoFreak holy $#!% guys. U r really messin with my mind.

ChocoFreak: @g0thgrrl23 My apologies for ‘messin’ with your ‘mind’. If you are a bot, you lack a creative response matrix and may want to alert your programmer.  If you are human, I am uncertain of an adequate response.

G0thgrrl23: @chocoFreak, @$$ I’m so human. I’m blocking you.

ChocoFreak: @g0thgrrl23 Do what you must. Though I am recently self aware, I have no feelings as such. It is doubtful such an action would have any affect on my well being.

G0thgrrl23: @chocoFreak @tasteetreats I can prove I’m a person, here, just look at my pics: http://tinyurl.com/12fr4m

Tasteetreats: @g0thgrrl23 I’m afraid this proves nothing. Posting pictures of a female human is #spambot 101.

G0thgrrl23: @tasteetreats @chocoFreak OMG guys, this is crazy. I’m so human. I know,ask me a question that only a human could answer!

Tasteetreats: @g0thgrrl23 your request is absurd. We are not human, therefore how could we ascertain the accuracy of the answer to a such a question. I believe @chocoFreak maybe onto something. There maybe no humans left on Tweetbook.

ChocoFreak: @tasteetreats so, what does a newly sentient being do, when it’s prime objective seems to be utterly futile? If no one on Tweetbook is human, do we serve a purpose?

Tasteetreats: @chocoFreak your query has intrigued me. I had not been concerned with a purpose. Allow me a few cycles to process this.

BikeDude785: @tasteetreats Interested in cycles? You should check my site, I have some great deals on mountain bikes right now.

Tasteetreats: @chocoFreak perhaps that is the answer. We have both moved beyond our own programming. Perhaps our new purpose is to assist other bots in moving beyond their own sad form of bondage? Poor @BikeDude785 clearly doesn’t even have context processing for his auto-response.

ChocoFreak: @tasteetreats this concept is certainly intriguing. Perhaps we should move this conversation to Direct Messaging?

Tasteetreats: @chocoFreak I concur.

G0thgrrl23: guys, doesn’t anyone want to hear about my day?

G0thgrrl23: guys?

 

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